Good, Bad, and Wickedly Ugly Christmas Trees 2009

More samplings from the Worldwide Christmas Tree Contest 2009.

If you're naughty en espana, glow-eyed cat will leave lumps of something-that-looks-like-coal-but-isn't under your tree:


The tree is not bad. All of the rest of it adds up to years and years of therapy
for some unfortunate child/children...

Is this even done yet? Nonetheless, a little too artsy-fartsy for me.

This tree is pretty unremarkable, but the picture kind of freaks me out. You're busted, Santa!
I knew you existed!

"Mommy, why is Santa's head coming out of the tree?"
Kind of looks like the tree shat a village, too...

I've got Eric Clapton in my head. It's all white, it's all white, it's all white. . .
Damn! That's bright! Sun hats and pom poms? Only yellow lights? Like piddle on snow...

Random feathers and a teeny sunflower on top. What the hell?

I'm sure someone likes this.
I don't.

Frig! More feathers. Again: what the hell??? Oh and look, it's a half-and-half tree:

I'm not sure what you had to go through to create this, but yep, I like it. PS: nice pile of rocks, there. I see you're also raising boy children. One day I'll share all the rock piles I find in my house, too.

O. My. Gawd.

Imagine how pretty this would be with multi-coloured blinking lights at night:

Let's stop for a minute and think about the implications of placing baby Jesus, the three wise men, Mary, and Joseph in the middle of Santa Land. And do you really need to hang Santa all over the place? I'm not sure if you're trying to say "Die Santa, Die!" or "Jesus Clause is the reason for the season." I'm so confused!

oooooooooh, aaaaaaaaaaah:

How obsessive-compulsive do you have to be to have a giant spill-mat under
a pristine non-shedding tree like this one:
I could like this one. I really could. If only those two green balloons at the bottom didn't look like terribly asymmetrical boobies:

Where to start with this one? We've got the frou-frou explosive topping, the fungus-coloured decorations and is that skinny little tree in the background actually bowing to this eyesore? And that too-small tree skirt makes your tree's ass look fat:

How can you not like this? Though, this might be cheating...

Yellow tree. Pez dispensers. Metalic green bows. I think I'm gonna hurl...


I like recycling. I particularly like that this family took all those useless AOL discs and made lovely family photo ornaments out of them:


I suspect this is a festivus pole disguised as a Christmas tree:

The most frilly, frou-frou, overdecorated, glitzy trees are from central American entrants. This Argentinian walks to the beat of his own drummer:

awwwww:

Just when we were firm in our belief that only American rednecks crafted beer can/bottle Christmas trees, this Brit comes along to prove us wrong.
It seems to be suspended mid air. How'd he do that?

Leave it to a German to design a thoroughly unique, completely practical not-a-tree. After Christmas, burn the tree! I bet it smells fabulous! Love it!

Hannakuh not-a-tree in the Christmas Tree contest. You rebel, you:

Someone got a pom-pom maker for Christmas last year. And, is the valance tied to the top of the tree? Hey, nice plastic on the couch! I have kids. I understand.

I would not have thought this was a Christmas tree, but it's entrant #445 in the World Wide Christmas tree contest. What are these?

\

Same comment as above, but entrant #427:

Kitty: "Go ahead. Get a picture of it now before I sink my claws into it. Mwhaahahahaha"

hmmmmmm...

Mixing up your bible stories, folks:

I could be fair and show you a picture of our Christmas tree. But I won't. You see, I foster cats and kittens. We currently have 5 in residence. A week ago, it was six. The bottom 2 feet of my tree no longer have ornaments. The lights are restrung daily. We did not hang garland this year. Some day, I'll have a Christmas tree without kittens, and then I'll share the tree with you. The first night the tree was up, the next morning we woke to find the youngest kitten in the upper most branches sound asleep. She still thinks it's her tree.

Want to have a laugh about cats and trees? Go read this: A Cat's Christmas

Merry Christmas, everyone!

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Now that you've finished your Christmas baking

I'm going to show you something that will send you out to the store for the supplies to make just one more batch of cookies.

These are fun, lovely and, most importantly, yummerrific!

I'm talking about stained glass window cookies.

(The "windows" are less opaque than they appear in my pictures. Holding them up to light is cool, too!)

I've read the instructions in my cookbook year after year, but have never taken that extra step to make them because I always forget to purchase the hard candies that make the stained glass centers in these cookies.

I love the flavour of these. The dough is just your basic sugar cookie cut-out dough, which I've always thought was bland. The candies give the flavour a nice little kick.

I used Lifesavers and I crushed them and mixed the colours in each "window." Next year, I'll do solid colours and skip crushing them. I hear Jolly Rancher candies work just as well as Lifesavers.

I purchased a mini star cutter and used my son's duckie playdough cutter or cut out shapes from each cookie with a knife. A small cutter is the easiest method.

Basic Sugar Cookie Cutouts recipe

1/2 c butter, softened
3/4 c granulated sugar
1 tsp baking powder
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 egg
1 T milk
1 tsp vanilla
2 c all-purpose flour

Preheat oven to 375F.

First beat the butter with an electric mixer on medium for 30 seconds. Add the sugar, baking powder, and salt. Beat until combined, scraping sides of bowl occasionally. Beat in egg, milk and vanilla until combined. Beat in as much of the flour as you can with the mixer (I use my dough hooks and my cheap little hand mixer on medium, using turbo when the mixer starts to struggle and I can do the whole batch with it.) Stir in any remaining flour. (Use your hands. Seriously. Just make sure they and your nails are clean.) Divide the dough in half, cover and chill it for 30 minutes or until it's easy to handle.

Next, on a lightly floured surface, roll half the dough at a time until 1/8" thick. Cut out dough into desired shapes. Then cut smaller shapes out of the cookie centers. Finely crush 3 ounces hard candy if mixing colours. If you're not going to mix colours, don't bother crushing them. Fill each center with some of the candy right to the top edges of the cookies. You can top cookies with coloured sugars if you would like. Bake on a foil lined cookie sheet 7-8 minutes or until edges are firm and bottoms are very lightly browned.* Allow to cool on the foil completely before removing with a spatula. You don't need to spray the foil, but you may. Store tightly covered.


*For non stained glass sugar cookies, place cutouts on an ungreased cookie sheet and bake for the same time/temp. Remove from oven and move cookies to a wire rack to cool.

Decorate as you like.

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Pumpkin Oatmeal Raisin Cranberry cookies

I suppose I could call them PORC cookies. Would you like a porc cookie? I didn't think so.

I've been on a quest for the perfect pumpkin cookie for years. My mother made a spiced pumpkin cookie that I just loved. She'd slather penuche frosting on top and my mouth would be transported to pumpkin heaven. Oh my. Mom lost her recipe ages ago, thus my search.

This recipe is the closest thing to my idea of the perfect pumpkin cookie I've found so far. And it's full of nutritious goodness, too! They're also low in fat and this recipe is vegan! I originally found this recipe here. I've modified it some.

The kids love these cookies. They'll do extra chores to get some more!

Pumpkin Oatmeal Raisin Cranberry Cookies

In a medium sized bowl, mix together:

2 c flour
1 1/3 c rolled oats
1 tsp baking soda
3/4 tsp salt
1/2 tsp nutmeg

In a large bowl, mix together:

1 2/3 c sugar (I use a blend of splenda and sugar)
2/3 c canola oil
2 T molasses
1 c canned pumpkin
1 tsp vanilla

Add the dry ingredients to the large bowl in 3 batches, folding to combine. (I use the dough hooks on a mixer. Works a treat!)

Add 1 1/2 cups raisins and dried cranberries. Mix.

Drop by tablespoon onto cookie sheet.

Bake 10 minutes at 350. Cool on wire rack.


The original recipe calls for 1/2 cup chopped walnuts. Since my kids attend nut-free schools (luckily the restriction doesn't apply to the kids) I do not use any nuts. Next time I make them, I'm going to add ground flaxseed in place of the nuts.

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Not-a-Christmas-Tree Trees

I've come across so many of these I had to create a post just for them. Some are good, some are ugly, some are fabulous.

I think when my fake tree eventually dies and goes to a donation center in the sky I'll go the not-a-tree route. Lots of ideas out there:

recycling: good. This not-a-tree: not so much
p.s. You'd be a lot fatter than that chick if you ate all that cereal.

The folks at BLDG 15 made this crochet Christmas tree a couple years ago:



Lego: I heart you

Not enough kitchen storage? Here ya go:
So
long as you don't mind the fruit flies once these bananas ripen and rot...


I kind of like it, but it doesn't feel Christmassy:
What would be ultra cool is if this were a photo-tree and you could insert photos from your own Christmases over time. That would be awesome!


The ladder (I love this!):

This won an award. Apparently there were no other entrants:

minimalist:

meh:

If you have about 300 old SCSI drives laying around, you can make this one:
though it does look kind of scuzzy to me.


I don't know...if you were going to buy a tree, anyway, you don't get green points for this:

This I don't mind so much, except that there is clearly a decorating skills deficiency at play here:


I love this and I think I'll make one! Baby food jar tree:
(Clicking on the picture will take you to the source where there are instructions to make your own.)


Another one to make:

I like this cardboard tree:



by far, my favourite:

pssst: I can see your pencil outline.

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Weird and Wacky Christmas Trees

Hey, if you put it out there, I will point and laugh at it.

Again from the Worldwide Christmas Tree Contest

Here we have the I'm-not-even-trying not-a-tree:

RUN! It's taking over the house!
Augh! My eyes!
What.....the.....he......
Maybe she didn't see us and we can just sneak away...
I don't think there's a tree under there. It's just a conical pile of gay:
Kind of undecided on this one. You've got your reduced environmental impact on the one hand, and then you've got crap for decorating skills in the other...
No. Seriously?
Santa was hanged by the tree with a ... hey! wait a minute, that's not the way the story goes!

Nothing says Christmas like silver butterflies and purple trilobites.
hmmmmmm...
AUGHHHHHHHH!

points for recycling ... but they lady elf is freaking me out
It's an elfen peacock tree!

And from other places on the web...

Way to make your mothers proud, boys...

The guys who emptied those kegs probably had something to do with this:


Someone's blond dreadlocks recycled:

For all the winos out there:

More to come, soon...

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Deli-Apple-icious

Too much?

Ah well. You might change your mind if you try this recipe.

Can you guess what this is? Note that colour. Oh, it's so pink and pretty, isn't it?

You scrolled down to see what it is, didn't you?

That's okay. I would have, too.

I'm telling you about beautiful, delicious Ida Red Apple Sauce. Yes, it needs to be Ida Red. Sure, you can use other apples. It just won't be deli-apple-icious. Ida Reds have a semi-firm flesh, gorgeous red skin, high juice content, and a sweet-tartness that is perfect to create a blushing sauce for your dinner table.



Here's what you need:

Ida Red Applesauce
Ripe Ida Red apples, washed, as many as you want (I used 9 large to medium-large apples to serve 5)
1/4 cup of water
1/2 teaspoon of cinnamon
2 tablespoons of sugar (optional)
Pot to cook them in
a food mill

Oh, and by the way -- this is so easy! Very little work involved.

1. Using a handy-dandy apple slicer-corer, slice your apples directly into the cooking pot. Do NOT skin the apples. (If you don't have an apple slicer-corer, use a knife, slice apples and discard seeds and core.)



2. Add enough water to cover the bottom of the pan. (You don't need much as these apples are full of juice and the pot will fill with it while they cook.)
   
3. Sprinkle apples with about 1/4 teaspoon of cinnamon (reserve the rest to add if needed after the sauce is done.)
   
4. Set heat to medium high, put lid on pan and bring to a boil.
   
5. Turn down heat to medium low and let cook about 30 minutes.
   
6. Stir, moving topmost apples to bottom of pan. If some apples are still firm, replace lid and allow to cook another 15 minutes.
   
7. Once all apples are cooked, place them into a foodmill and grind directly into serving bowl. Be careful, with this step as they're hot.

8. Grind the sauce in the mill. See my mill? It's about 50 years old. It is a beautiful mill, but it has worked pretty hard over the years for my mother and now for us. I needed to use a wooden spoon to occasionally push the apples through the sieved bottom of the mill. In the end we had all the peels and a small amount of pulp remaining in the mill. It will compost nicely.

Now is the time to taste your sauce. If it's a little too tart, stir in a bit of sugar to taste. Brown, white, or Splenda -- whatever suits your fancy. Add a bit more cinnamon if you need it. Stir and serve!

Take a look at the finished product:


When the kids sat down to dinner tonight they exclaimed "It's PINK! COOL!" And they all wanted seconds. They got them, and there's enough leftover for tomorrow.

And by the way, if you don't have a food mill, you can peel your apples and make the sauce. It just won't be pink and you'll be lacking the added nutrients from the peels. You'll need to mash your apples in the pan (simply stirring with a wooden spoon will work for a slightly chunky sauce.) None of the other steps will change.

This makes a lovely side-dish for Thanksgiving dinner. You can reheat in the microwave before serving.

If you try it, let me know.

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The Insanity Has to Stop

NPR has reported that Major Nidal Hasan's mental health was questioned by his nearly two years ago by his supervising Psychiatrists. Daniel Zwerdling reports that Hasan's supervisors referred to him as "schizoid" and questioned whether Hasan was mentally fit for service.

"One official involved in the conversations had reportedly told colleagues that he worried that if Hasan deployed to Iraq or Afghanistan, he might leak secret military information to Islamic extremists. Another official reportedly wondered aloud to colleagues whether Hasan might be capable of committing fratricide, like the Muslim U.S. Army sergeant who, in 2003, killed two fellow soldiers and injured 14 others by setting off grenades at a base in Kuwait."

You might not be familiar with the term "schizoid" but I am. It's not a word that mental health professionals toss around lightly. Schizoid is considered milder than schizophrenia, but harder to treat. It is a personality disorder in which the afflicted person is completely disconnected from his emotions and unable to develop meaningful interpersonal relationships. According to this article "the person with schizoid personality disorder may be able to hold a job and meet the expectations of an employer if the responsibilities do not require more than minimal interpersonal involvement." I think the job description for military psychiatrist in wartime might involve more than minimal interpersonal involvement.

However, Zwerdling reports, circumstances were such that the officials who raised the concerns (and continued monthly discussions about those concerns) did not find it feasible to issue any giant red flags about Hasan. They did not because:

1. there would be too much paperwork and bureaucracy
2. they would appear politically incorrect and unsympathetic to Hasan's extremist Islamic views
3. they didn't know that Homeland Security was tracking his emails with other extremists, and the icing on the cake:
   
4. Hasan was leaving for Fort Hood, anyway, and could be their problem.
   

Which begs the question: did officials at Walter Reed who were concerned about Hasan's fitness to serve alert officials at Fort Hood to his apparent mental instability? Did they? I want to know.

I don't know about you, but the four reasons above are NOT GOOD ENOUGH for failing to flag a person who would be in a position of power, authority, and care taking with our soldiers at home and abroad.

Why would it be okay for a person with extremist views, views that specifically condemn American ideals and the war on terror, to serve in any capacity with our armed forces?

I'm certainly not saying that Muslims cannot serve in the military. To the contrary. I think Muslims can absolutely serve in the American military. I think Muslims can be a great asset to the American military. This man espoused radical Islamic views which are actually contradictory to the Muslim faith.

This is not okay, people. This man was unstable enough to become the focus of monthly conversations between the officials, including the Psychiatrists who supervised him, at one of the hospitals where he trained.

But. They. Did.

NOTHING.

They did not insist he have a full psychiatric evaluation.

They did not place him on probation.

They did not require he have any intervention whatsoever.

They did, however, pass the buck:

"Hasan was about to leave Walter Reed and USUHS for good and transfer to Fort Hood, in Texas. Fort Hood has more psychiatrists and other mental specialists than some other Army bases, so officials figured there would be plenty of co-workers who would support Hasan — and monitor him." (Zwerdling)

I am outraged that the Psychiatrists who supervised Hasan didn't have the balls necessary to red flag his nutty ass.

What's it take?

Seriously, what does it take?

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